Of Goodbyes

In one's life, there are roads that end. Sometimes you go on a detour to find which path to move on to. And to move forward you must close one path to brave into another.

Today, I'm leaving. I'm happy with my decision because I believe that I've chosen the best path for me. I need to leave this road to move on into a better one.

But the hardest part are those of goodbyes. 

How do you say goodbye to people you genuinely cared for? How do you  just wave your hand, say your parting words and walk away? I realized that you don't.

You may write them letters, hug them tight and tell them how much you love them. But you will never be able to say goodbye. Because in essence you really don't. Absence doesn't end friendships. Presence doesn't define love. Distance is indeed a challenge. But I believe that genuine and sincere feelings prevail over the spaces between people. 

Today, I'm leaving. But I'm not saying goodbye.

thoughts on discourse

The thing about me is that I love to debate. Putting yourself out there and being vulnerable to critics makes you stronger in terms of developing your arguments. I just think that it's essential to be able to analyze systematically the issues confronting us, and not just blab incoherent and inconsistent opinions just for the sake of doing it. Debate and public discussion should be treated in a healthy manner. Having contrasting opinions is a given. How you engage in your opinion is the craft. Public discourse is an arena to challenge, debunk and persuade. And in the process you learn and improve yourself.

However, the thing that hinders an open and healthy discussion is one's ego. One treats a conflicting argument as a personal attack therefore closing all the possibilities for engagement, of improvement. It's hard to establish open communication especially when the person is antagonistic in welcoming criticisms. There is something wrong when one thinks that his or her person is always right. Unfortunately, in that situation you no longer listen, you no longer see, you no longer analyze. You are blinded with your own subjectivity. Therefore you no longer grow. And there you are stranded and stagnant.

Personally for me, it's hard to level down my stand in conversing with other people. Because as much as possible I want to enrich the discussion. I want to open up new horizons that we fail to look at in our every day lives. I'm merely trying to dig deeper and not just settle in the surface.

A colleague told me that such ideas, such ways of discussing is not "pang-masa". So I should stop being philosophical.

 I'm kind of pissed about it for several reasons. 

One, he avoids discussing societal concerns because he thinks that it's not tangible. This is a misconception. Nothing is outside politics. The more you think you're outside of it, the more you're in it. Maybe others are just afraid to engage because they might bruise their ego when they could no longer hold their ground. So the common I-don't-care-trumping-argument comes in. Apathy, what a perfect escape. What a stupid thing to do so.

Second, he assumes my  being philosophical is out of this world. But really I'm not in that zone yet. Plus, it's a fallacy. Philosophy not necessarily discuss things that are transcendent to the material conditions. In fact, it asks questions of reality, the sort of questions that some of us do not dare to ask. For me, being philosophical is being eager. You express your eagerness to ask and to answer. Being philosophical is not being complacent--not complacent to who you are and what you know. You always find a way to get out of your comfort zone, explore and discover. 

Third, he assumes that the "masa" are ignorant. I disagree. They can be the most intelligent people if we just give the opportunity to empower them, to take hold of their lives, to strengthen their capabilities. And one way to do that is to dig deeper questions for them to reflect, assess and analyze answers deeper.

My point is that our society can be a much better place if people would just throw the egoistic mindset that hinders genuine, sincere and open communication. Because that's the power of a conversation, it can change you.

Klaus

I have watched every episode on every season of The Vampire Diaries. And yes, I'm a fan rooting for Delena since day one. Yet, along the way, the series gave birth to a more interesting character--Niklaus Michaelson.

He started off as the viscous villain, the epitome of evil in Mystic Falls. But as the story goes, we fell in love with his anti-hero character. He is the Original Vampire and Werewolf combined, the Original Hybrid. 

I believe behind his mask is a vulnerable person aching to be loved, wanting to be saved. And yet he fears to let other people in, maybe because he thinks that loving is his Achilles heel. He pushes away the very things he want, thinking of it as a source of weakness. His obsession with power consumes him to be a person that is to be feared rather than loved. He is so afraid to be hurt that he prevents it by hurting other people first. He is so afraid of disappointment that he expects the worst among people. He is so afraid to be loved that he kills every part of him that seeks to love and trust.

I remember a scene in The Originals (The Vampire Diaries Spin-Off): "he is angry, and lost... he wished that he could control his demons rather than his demons control him", this is very Klaus. All he wants is love and family, and yet he runs from the very hope of a future with it. 

I think we love this character because of the perception that there is no humanity in his person, and yet the struggle within is the very manifestation of humanity itself.  I still believe that Klaus can find his redemption. I know that despite how he embraces the darkness, he still dreams of walking into the light. As Caroline said, "every person that is capable of love deserves to be saved".

principled vote

The month of April will soon come to an end. And the election day is fast approaching. By this time I'm quite certain on who to vote and on what grounds. 

I'm an avid advocate of an honest and clean election. So far I have not witnessed one. But I still dare to hope that people will take a stand towards a principled leadership. For once we have the power, the power to choose the direction for our nation. Our country have been stripped off, time and again, of its dignity. Do not let the greedy take the chance to redeem what was stolen.

I will not vote for a person carrying just a name. In fact, I have not even heard these names prior to the election period. Well, yes, I've heard their surnames in the traditional-political-dynasty-way. But one could not hope for their realistic participation in the nation's affairs. Where were they when the country is haunted by the decade issue of hunger, unemployment, lack of social services, among others? I have no idea, maybe, hypothetically, they're living the normal course of their well-endowed lives while majority of  the population sunk in the deep quagmire of poverty.

Instead, I will vote for a person with principles. I believe that a principled person will fight the battles of the vulnerable and disadvantaged. That person carries the interest of the poor and marginalized as his personal interest. I will vote for a person who represents the ordinary men and women of this country. For I believe that only those with the heart for the poor can genuinely ache from the struggles of the people. Only those who listens to the people can truly amplify their silenced voices. Only those capable of sacrifice can sincerely serve this country in all selflessness and integrity. Yes, I will vote for a principled person who is brave enough to take on all these battles.

I am not campaigning. I am simply encouraging every one of us to vote smart. Because once again, the future of our nation is in our hands.

just a thought

Recently, I'm feeling so frustrated with the direction of my academic choices. I find myself in deep wonder, most of the  time pondering if it would make a difference had I ought to take a degree that I really love. 

I'm counting the days. Soon enough I'm going to finish my graduate degree. Yet,  sadly,  my 'what ifs' still confronts me. 

Slowly, I'm learning that we should always take a chance on what we really love and never settle.And that it's never too late to take a risk at happiness.

silver lining

You have to do everything you can. You have to work your hardest. And if you stay positive, you have a shot at the silver lining. ~ Silver Linings Playbook

I'm totally charmed of how brilliant this film is. The depth of the complexity of being human force itself upon you and you realize that you are no longer a spectator but a player lost in the character of each actor. It made me ponder on how  consciousness longs for social connection; on how love  touches what seemed too fragile for  contact, on how hope fills what seemed empty. 

The film opened up a reality that most of us refuse to look at. It gave a different meaning to depression, neurosis, hope, second chances and love. I believe that your condition does not define who you are. You always have a choice  to move forward and take that chance to happiness.

Maybe there is a touch of madness in each one of us. Some are just good at hiding it, conforming to expectations and lying to themselves. While others have reached that point of embracing that madness and mold it into a part of themselves that they accept and love. Which is a better choice? 

To My First Love

Hi! You're birthday's coming up. Sometimes I wonder how things will be if you're still here. Maybe the world will be a much better place having you around. You were that nice guy. And trust me genuine nice guys in college is really difficult to come by. And I'm lucky to be friends with one, I'm lucky to be friends with you.

You were the type of person who attracts people. Maybe that's the reason why I was drawn into you. You flash that charismatic smile without a touch of arrogance. It was always reassuring.It feels like you're telling me that everything's going to be fine without really telling me at all. I miss the days when we just talk of our dreams--dreams that are beyond us but we still partake. I miss the nights when you walk me home beneath the endless  sky, I have loved the stars since then. But more than anything I miss you.

I miss everything about you. Your artistic side, your childish side, your every side. You always say that people thought of you as moody but I don't really get it. All I know is that your very presence makes people assured. At least that's the way I feel about you. You have that sense of presence that no matter how I dwell in loneliness I know that I will never be alone. Because I have you.

You were everything wonderful. I can't seem to find the right words that would fit in my picture of you.And I just wish we had more time because I'm scared. 

I'm scared that one day I can't freeze our moments in my mind. I'm scared that a time will come where your face will fade in my memory without a picture that will remind me of how we once were. I'm scared that soon you will disappear in oblivion like so many people who once walked the consciousness of this earth.

But I know you. You live not to leave a mark. You live with the very essence of how it is to be alive. But yes you have left a mark to me and many people like me. And I believe that mark, no matter how it hurts, was never a scar but a promise.It was a promise of you.

Thank you. I was happy that in this lifetime our lives have crossed, in that brief moment of forever.

 I never had the chance to tell you, but I hope that before you have left for the heavens, I hope you knew... that all along, I have loved you.