Of Goodbyes

In one's life, there are roads that end. Sometimes you go on a detour to find which path to move on to. And to move forward you must close one path to brave into another.

Today, I'm leaving. I'm happy with my decision because I believe that I've chosen the best path for me. I need to leave this road to move on into a better one.

But the hardest part are those of goodbyes. 

How do you say goodbye to people you genuinely cared for? How do you  just wave your hand, say your parting words and walk away? I realized that you don't.

You may write them letters, hug them tight and tell them how much you love them. But you will never be able to say goodbye. Because in essence you really don't. Absence doesn't end friendships. Presence doesn't define love. Distance is indeed a challenge. But I believe that genuine and sincere feelings prevail over the spaces between people. 

Today, I'm leaving. But I'm not saying goodbye.

just a thought

Recently, I'm feeling so frustrated with the direction of my academic choices. I find myself in deep wonder, most of the  time pondering if it would make a difference had I ought to take a degree that I really love. 

I'm counting the days. Soon enough I'm going to finish my graduate degree. Yet,  sadly,  my 'what ifs' still confronts me. 

Slowly, I'm learning that we should always take a chance on what we really love and never settle.And that it's never too late to take a risk at happiness.

silver lining

You have to do everything you can. You have to work your hardest. And if you stay positive, you have a shot at the silver lining. ~ Silver Linings Playbook

I'm totally charmed of how brilliant this film is. The depth of the complexity of being human force itself upon you and you realize that you are no longer a spectator but a player lost in the character of each actor. It made me ponder on how  consciousness longs for social connection; on how love  touches what seemed too fragile for  contact, on how hope fills what seemed empty. 

The film opened up a reality that most of us refuse to look at. It gave a different meaning to depression, neurosis, hope, second chances and love. I believe that your condition does not define who you are. You always have a choice  to move forward and take that chance to happiness.

Maybe there is a touch of madness in each one of us. Some are just good at hiding it, conforming to expectations and lying to themselves. While others have reached that point of embracing that madness and mold it into a part of themselves that they accept and love. Which is a better choice? 

To My First Love

Hi! You're birthday's coming up. Sometimes I wonder how things will be if you're still here. Maybe the world will be a much better place having you around. You were that nice guy. And trust me genuine nice guys in college is really difficult to come by. And I'm lucky to be friends with one, I'm lucky to be friends with you.

You were the type of person who attracts people. Maybe that's the reason why I was drawn into you. You flash that charismatic smile without a touch of arrogance. It was always reassuring.It feels like you're telling me that everything's going to be fine without really telling me at all. I miss the days when we just talk of our dreams--dreams that are beyond us but we still partake. I miss the nights when you walk me home beneath the endless  sky, I have loved the stars since then. But more than anything I miss you.

I miss everything about you. Your artistic side, your childish side, your every side. You always say that people thought of you as moody but I don't really get it. All I know is that your very presence makes people assured. At least that's the way I feel about you. You have that sense of presence that no matter how I dwell in loneliness I know that I will never be alone. Because I have you.

You were everything wonderful. I can't seem to find the right words that would fit in my picture of you.And I just wish we had more time because I'm scared. 

I'm scared that one day I can't freeze our moments in my mind. I'm scared that a time will come where your face will fade in my memory without a picture that will remind me of how we once were. I'm scared that soon you will disappear in oblivion like so many people who once walked the consciousness of this earth.

But I know you. You live not to leave a mark. You live with the very essence of how it is to be alive. But yes you have left a mark to me and many people like me. And I believe that mark, no matter how it hurts, was never a scar but a promise.It was a promise of you.

Thank you. I was happy that in this lifetime our lives have crossed, in that brief moment of forever.

 I never had the chance to tell you, but I hope that before you have left for the heavens, I hope you knew... that all along, I have loved you.

march with love

This must be my busiest month yet. My school paper deadlines have occupied most  spaces of my planner. Not to mention my social life demands which have suffered great neglect over the past months. It's not that I'm a party girl or anything. In fact, I'm not really that active in the social scene. I'm more of I-prefer-to-sleep-during-my-free-time-girl. I'd get to be more excited with a promise of a movie marathon in the comfort of my bed than go out. Oh yes that's me, my fun loving adventure seeking self.

But every time the month of March comes knocking on my door, there is this pressure to reinvent myself, to try something new and to get out of my comfort zone. And for this year, I'm actually listing down the new things that I have to try. Well not necessarily immediately, I looove baby steps. And yes, did I mention the difference of baby steps to toddler steps? Kidding aside, I'm totally serious. To prove my utmost sincerity to this mantra, I'm sharing with you my first 10 :)

1. Learn how to bike

My roomie has been very insistent on writing down a bucket list for things I should do before I graduate. One of them is learning how to ride a bike. I realized there's no loss in trying well except for anticipated bruises and falls since I'm a proven klutz with a problem in my balance. Cheer for me?

2. Teach in the collegiate level

 Well I'm really curious on how it feels when you're no longer a student inside the classroom. And how students will talk about how cool I am as a teacher. Hahaha! :)

3. Organize a photo shoot

 Just to clarify, I'm interested to be the person behind the lens of the camera. I decided not to tolerate my innate vanity.

4. Learn how to play an instrument

Yes!! I want to do this! Just to prove and convince myself that I have a musical side.

5. Enroll in a dance class

 I'm in the stage of exploring the arts. As they say when you invest in the arts you invest in the soul!

6. Organize a summer get away with friends

I hope our Hundred Islands  plans push through. Truly miss bonding with the Levinisian gang.

7. Read books other than philosophy

Though it is highly unlikely to totally cut off from philosophy readings since I'm planning to make my exam next semester, I think I should allot time for other readings. Just finished reading The Fault in our Stars by John Green. It was painfully beautiful to read... Oh wait it's still philosophy.

8. Sport a new do.

Thinking about rocking a short colored hair, hippie-met-retro style get up. Though it pains me to give up my chic-girly-floral-floaty style. :(( I need to rethink this one!!

9. Attend a regional festival

Will be joining Phoebe the explorer to one of her adventures.

10.  Ride a plane

This is long over due. I have to board a plane. Seriously. I'm a generation late.


So much for reinventing myself. I love fresh beginnings. And excited for the kick off. :D

live in the present

Sometimes we lose sight of what really matters in life. We take for granted the simple things: dinners with family, small talks with friends, ordinary moments that deepen our relationship to people we care about. We are so focused on trivial things that at the end of the day are senseless without the people we love to share it with. 

So today, don't hesitate to say 'i love you', to hug your parents, to reconcile with friends, to end a feud, to give a word of advice to your siblings, and even to smile to a stranger. Because you'll never know if you'll have the same chance tomorrow. The value of living is in making every moment count. Seize the day to love and be loved.

Live in the present. Because time is an enduring present, a duration of what's happening now.

another year over

The year 2012 has its fair share of ups and downs, beginnings and endings, hellos and goodbyes. And now it's over. It's time to move forward. 

This is the time to give thanks, to be grateful for everyday blessings. For most of us, the previous year has not been easy. We all have our own struggles whether it may be in our relationships, academics, careers, among others. We have encountered loss and hardships.  But we are here. And that is what matters.

So now we are given another chance, another year to be the better versions of ourselves. Don't miss this opportunity to love living and live loving.

Happy New Year!