just a thought

Recently, I'm feeling so frustrated with the direction of my academic choices. I find myself in deep wonder, most of the  time pondering if it would make a difference had I ought to take a degree that I really love. 

I'm counting the days. Soon enough I'm going to finish my graduate degree. Yet,  sadly,  my 'what ifs' still confronts me. 

Slowly, I'm learning that we should always take a chance on what we really love and never settle.And that it's never too late to take a risk at happiness.

silver lining

You have to do everything you can. You have to work your hardest. And if you stay positive, you have a shot at the silver lining. ~ Silver Linings Playbook

I'm totally charmed of how brilliant this film is. The depth of the complexity of being human force itself upon you and you realize that you are no longer a spectator but a player lost in the character of each actor. It made me ponder on how  consciousness longs for social connection; on how love  touches what seemed too fragile for  contact, on how hope fills what seemed empty. 

The film opened up a reality that most of us refuse to look at. It gave a different meaning to depression, neurosis, hope, second chances and love. I believe that your condition does not define who you are. You always have a choice  to move forward and take that chance to happiness.

Maybe there is a touch of madness in each one of us. Some are just good at hiding it, conforming to expectations and lying to themselves. While others have reached that point of embracing that madness and mold it into a part of themselves that they accept and love. Which is a better choice? 

To My First Love

Hi! You're birthday's coming up. Sometimes I wonder how things will be if you're still here. Maybe the world will be a much better place having you around. You were that nice guy. And trust me genuine nice guys in college is really difficult to come by. And I'm lucky to be friends with one, I'm lucky to be friends with you.

You were the type of person who attracts people. Maybe that's the reason why I was drawn into you. You flash that charismatic smile without a touch of arrogance. It was always reassuring.It feels like you're telling me that everything's going to be fine without really telling me at all. I miss the days when we just talk of our dreams--dreams that are beyond us but we still partake. I miss the nights when you walk me home beneath the endless  sky, I have loved the stars since then. But more than anything I miss you.

I miss everything about you. Your artistic side, your childish side, your every side. You always say that people thought of you as moody but I don't really get it. All I know is that your very presence makes people assured. At least that's the way I feel about you. You have that sense of presence that no matter how I dwell in loneliness I know that I will never be alone. Because I have you.

You were everything wonderful. I can't seem to find the right words that would fit in my picture of you.And I just wish we had more time because I'm scared. 

I'm scared that one day I can't freeze our moments in my mind. I'm scared that a time will come where your face will fade in my memory without a picture that will remind me of how we once were. I'm scared that soon you will disappear in oblivion like so many people who once walked the consciousness of this earth.

But I know you. You live not to leave a mark. You live with the very essence of how it is to be alive. But yes you have left a mark to me and many people like me. And I believe that mark, no matter how it hurts, was never a scar but a promise.It was a promise of you.

Thank you. I was happy that in this lifetime our lives have crossed, in that brief moment of forever.

 I never had the chance to tell you, but I hope that before you have left for the heavens, I hope you knew... that all along, I have loved you.

march with love

This must be my busiest month yet. My school paper deadlines have occupied most  spaces of my planner. Not to mention my social life demands which have suffered great neglect over the past months. It's not that I'm a party girl or anything. In fact, I'm not really that active in the social scene. I'm more of I-prefer-to-sleep-during-my-free-time-girl. I'd get to be more excited with a promise of a movie marathon in the comfort of my bed than go out. Oh yes that's me, my fun loving adventure seeking self.

But every time the month of March comes knocking on my door, there is this pressure to reinvent myself, to try something new and to get out of my comfort zone. And for this year, I'm actually listing down the new things that I have to try. Well not necessarily immediately, I looove baby steps. And yes, did I mention the difference of baby steps to toddler steps? Kidding aside, I'm totally serious. To prove my utmost sincerity to this mantra, I'm sharing with you my first 10 :)

1. Learn how to bike

My roomie has been very insistent on writing down a bucket list for things I should do before I graduate. One of them is learning how to ride a bike. I realized there's no loss in trying well except for anticipated bruises and falls since I'm a proven klutz with a problem in my balance. Cheer for me?

2. Teach in the collegiate level

 Well I'm really curious on how it feels when you're no longer a student inside the classroom. And how students will talk about how cool I am as a teacher. Hahaha! :)

3. Organize a photo shoot

 Just to clarify, I'm interested to be the person behind the lens of the camera. I decided not to tolerate my innate vanity.

4. Learn how to play an instrument

Yes!! I want to do this! Just to prove and convince myself that I have a musical side.

5. Enroll in a dance class

 I'm in the stage of exploring the arts. As they say when you invest in the arts you invest in the soul!

6. Organize a summer get away with friends

I hope our Hundred Islands  plans push through. Truly miss bonding with the Levinisian gang.

7. Read books other than philosophy

Though it is highly unlikely to totally cut off from philosophy readings since I'm planning to make my exam next semester, I think I should allot time for other readings. Just finished reading The Fault in our Stars by John Green. It was painfully beautiful to read... Oh wait it's still philosophy.

8. Sport a new do.

Thinking about rocking a short colored hair, hippie-met-retro style get up. Though it pains me to give up my chic-girly-floral-floaty style. :(( I need to rethink this one!!

9. Attend a regional festival

Will be joining Phoebe the explorer to one of her adventures.

10.  Ride a plane

This is long over due. I have to board a plane. Seriously. I'm a generation late.


So much for reinventing myself. I love fresh beginnings. And excited for the kick off. :D

no man is an island

A very meaningful poem written by John Donne:

No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thine own
Or of thine friend's were.
Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.

~John Donne

Ode to February

 I'm a big  Pablo Neruda fan and my ode to valentines day is a series of poems about love and lost from one of my most beloved poets of all time. <3

 

XVII (I do not love you...)

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Absence

I have scarcely left you
When you go in me, crystalline,
Or trembling,
Or uneasy, wounded by me
Or overwhelmed with love, as
when your eyes
Close upon the gift of life
That without cease I give you.

My love,
We have found each other
Thirsty and we have
Drunk up all the water and the
Blood,
We found each other
Hungry
And we bit each other
As fire bites,
Leaving wounds in us.

But wait for me,
Keep for me your sweetness.
I will give you too
A rose.
 

Here I Love You

Here I love you.
In the dark pines the wind disentangles itself.
The moon glows like phosphorous on the vagrant waters.
Days, all one kind, go chasing each other.

The snow unfurls in dancing figures.
A silver gull slips down from the west.
Sometimes a sail. High, high stars.
Oh the black cross of a ship.
Alone.


Sometimes I get up early and even my soul is wet.
Far away the sea sounds and resounds.
This is a port.

Here I love you.
Here I love you and the horizon hides you in vain.
I love you still among these cold things.
Sometimes my kisses go on those heavy vessels
that cross the sea towards no arrival.
I see myself forgotten like those old anchors.

The piers sadden when the afternoon moors there.
My life grows tired, hungry to no purpose.
I love what I do not have. You are so far.
My loathing wrestles with the slow twilights.
But night comes and starts to sing to me.

The moon turns its clockwork dream.
The biggest stars look at me with your eyes.
And as I love you, the pines in the wind
want to sing your name with their leaves of wire.


 

nikulous

you've come so far. it was not an easy journey. but you're here, at this moment. tomorrow opens a new door. it's scary. you don't know what's waiting for you. but you'll never be at this same moment again. so embrace your fears. hold on to the promise of tomorrow. cherish your faith to the absolute. and always remember you're meant for great things.

goodluck sa compre pars! :) i am sure you'll do great.